This really resonates. One thing I keep learning is that being wired to notice incongruence doesn’t automatically tell us what to do with what we perceive. Sometimes what I notice in others is a clean neurological signal — a real mismatch between words, tone, and intention. Other times it’s my own projection showing up, inviting personal growth rather than confrontation.
The work, for me, has been learning to tell the difference — and then choosing whether a moment calls for reflection, a gentle truth, or simply holding space and letting someone be where they are. Clarity is a gift, but discernment is the practice that keeps it aligned with our values.
Thank you for this. Explains so much like-cocktail party chitchat- really hard. I’d rather have meaningful conversations but that’s not what’s expected (or wanted). Impatient with posturing, had a really hard time when we lived and worked in DC and couldn’t figure out the undercurrents at gatherings. Etc! Here I’ve been thinking “what’s wrong” and it’s not that there’s anything wrong it’s (once again) diverting from the path others are on. My pick-up on your metaphor is this: we’re all in the woods and fields. Some are traveling in packs but there are lots of us all around in single and dual formation scanning the world around us picking up the bird song changes, the silences, the prints of animals etc, essentially sensing our surroundings and making use of that information. The pack is harder to read than the individuals in it. We need our space.
I just wish ADHD, that perjorative label, were not even used. I have two hunter children and one farmer. I had to steadfastly refuse to allow schools to test and label my kids. As a teacher myself I ignored the dossiers of labels bestowed on students and treated them all with respect and individual attention. Happily there were progressive schools where we lived. When a farmer child wanted an individual desk I arranged for that, but many kids were happy to make decisions and choices. So sad that the conservative schools seem to be ascendent again.
This really resonates. One thing I keep learning is that being wired to notice incongruence doesn’t automatically tell us what to do with what we perceive. Sometimes what I notice in others is a clean neurological signal — a real mismatch between words, tone, and intention. Other times it’s my own projection showing up, inviting personal growth rather than confrontation.
The work, for me, has been learning to tell the difference — and then choosing whether a moment calls for reflection, a gentle truth, or simply holding space and letting someone be where they are. Clarity is a gift, but discernment is the practice that keeps it aligned with our values.
Thank you for this. Explains so much like-cocktail party chitchat- really hard. I’d rather have meaningful conversations but that’s not what’s expected (or wanted). Impatient with posturing, had a really hard time when we lived and worked in DC and couldn’t figure out the undercurrents at gatherings. Etc! Here I’ve been thinking “what’s wrong” and it’s not that there’s anything wrong it’s (once again) diverting from the path others are on. My pick-up on your metaphor is this: we’re all in the woods and fields. Some are traveling in packs but there are lots of us all around in single and dual formation scanning the world around us picking up the bird song changes, the silences, the prints of animals etc, essentially sensing our surroundings and making use of that information. The pack is harder to read than the individuals in it. We need our space.
I just wish ADHD, that perjorative label, were not even used. I have two hunter children and one farmer. I had to steadfastly refuse to allow schools to test and label my kids. As a teacher myself I ignored the dossiers of labels bestowed on students and treated them all with respect and individual attention. Happily there were progressive schools where we lived. When a farmer child wanted an individual desk I arranged for that, but many kids were happy to make decisions and choices. So sad that the conservative schools seem to be ascendent again.