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Donalie Sheldan's avatar

In response to your pointing at me through my computer screen saying: "Activism begins with you; democracy begins with you. Get out there; get active! Tag, you're it!...Democracy is not a spectator sport." Below is an abridged representation of my story with most of the details excluded. I am willing to try again, but this time I can't do it without help. I tried to turn myself inside-out to be someone I have never been. I made professional flyers, made resumes complete with previous gigs continuously updated, managed our Website using HTML and Dreamweaver uploaded edits and new additions to our searchable Go Daddy site with songs demo's , liner notes, photo album, etc.. I was our tech guru, including recording and editing and composing press releases, making cold calls to book new gigs, advertised for band members, booked auditions complete with send them recordings and lead sheets, arranged rehearsals, worked my day job, managed the files and copyrights etc., etc., etc.. I pushed beyond my endurance for the sole purpose of turning the management and all of the recording and sound tech duties to people who would actually know what they were doing so they would get an idea of what we hoped to accomplish. Our big debut was at the "Gig" on Melrose Ave. in West Hollywood. Ian called agents all that week and got some to promise to come and see us. We had a great turnout with free CD's for everyone at the door. After we had done our sound check. We were told that someone else was getting our slot and we would have play after them, which required removing all of our stuff. The agents, if they had ever come, had already left by the time we played. Who could blame them; they had already worked all day. Our CD's were never passed out to any of our guests. Ian's guitar monitor was not connected the whole time causing issues when we were supposed to take our cues from him; fortunately we were able to manage so that the audience thought it was all part of the show. After the show so many people waited at the stage entrance to express encouragement and enthusiasm about our music. But without competent management, I couldn't do it and we didn't even risk singing our more controversial songs. (If you are curious the songs we have published are available on iTunes, Spotify ,etc.. under the Band name: Sheldan Rivers; Artist names: Donalie Sheldan, and Ian Rivers; CD names: The Storm, "...often seen carrying a guitar.", "I Will be Free".

I don't know where to start, and trying to communicate just makes me exhausted. This article resonated so personally with my own experience, it made me feel like I must make the effort. Whenever I try to define the reality of my life, it seems impossible. For those who understand the references, my first exposure to religion was the reverend Wesley A. Swift (Google him!), my "farmer" Grandparents (where I was warehoused away from the rest of my "farmer" family) were members of the John Burch Society. My Grandmother made it her life's work to eliminate every recognizable characteristic that was me. My mother was a religious fanatic who rabidly studied her Bible with the guidance of the periodicals: "The Cross and the Flag" and "Kingdom Digest" and used her copy of "Strong's Concordance" to insure the infallibility of her dogma. My siblings are each caught in their own version of the "alt-right", Christian Nationalist, Cult of Personality, identity politics that began so many decades ago. Public school was the only access I had to reality which I craved, but that posed additional problems that I felt I had to deal with alone from my very first school experience. At home, besides self-righteous, sanctimonious Christianity, there were racial jokes and heavy-handed racial denigration, dehumanization, and outright demonization of other ethnic groups and religions; and as you might expect a little Holocaust denial, misogyny, and slavery apologizing thrown in. Music and education were considered ways to make us drug addicts and Communists. Their perpetual cognitive dissonance kept me overwhelmed by an onslaught of questions I dared not ask. Physical abuse, though rare, was shocking and an ever present threat. Mental cruelty was common place. The age difference between myself and my siblings was an effective excuse to keep me separated from my "farmer" family members and my "hunter" attention used as a way to say it was my fault. With a rigid hierarchy already in place I was effectively "otherized", victimized and suppressed with impunity. Before you get the wrong idea, I am still in denial about the words and tone of voice that comes out of the mouths of my siblings, and look for the magic awakening when they might find understanding of the humanity and plight of others. Meanwhile, I am horrified by the many ways people the world over have suffered, because people like me don't want to believe those they love could truly feel righteous about imposing their dominion over the lives of others based on artifacts written and interpreted by autocrats with their anthropomorphic gods.

I was much struck by the quote "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross", from the first moment I heard it, I felt the chill of truth and felt I must do something. I tried to warn people about what I thought was a slide into fascism through religion and hubris back in the 90's, but what I could articulate was limited by my lack of exposure and connections. I would attempt to write down my thoughts as poetry and later lyrics with melodies; it helped to cool my brain in a more meditative state, trim down my words and hopefully make people ponder my meaning long enough to consider other points of view. Many of the words I write in my song lyrics are a way to focus my own thoughts. As I rehearse them, I listen to how my words may be misunderstood or twisted, and discipline myself to examine my own possible failure to understand others. My songs were my hope to find other like-minded people and avoid the trap of being pigeon-holed and dismissed before even saying a word. As a student and ultimately a teacher of Adult Education, I encountered some great people who told me that if I liked PBS, I would probably like Keith Olberman and John Stewart, and then Ian was the one who told me about hearing you, Thom on the radio ; through you and them, I found more sources of information that were very helpful in broadening my understanding of the world. Our magical LAUSD Adult schools became infiltrated and decimated by Superintendent Desi and his illegal collusion with Pearson Publishing. Many teachers were laid-off and lost our seniority; and although I was fortunate that someone in the main offices cleared the way for my being rehired as a substitute teacher. I never regained my footing and the stress so diminished my health, I was forced to retire early suffering a reduction to my Social Security.

Ian (my song-writing, band and life partner) and I protested the Supreme Court selection of George W. Bush in 2000 and along with other protestors tried to get people to sign our petition on the 3rd Street Promenade across from the Santa Monica Place and found ourselves being targeted by an "Acorn"-type-set-up to discredit our efforts. We fortunately stopped it, but who knows what they would have tried to manufacture out of it if they had felt the need. The obstacle posed by my health meant that half of our songs have not yet been published. While I tried to regain my health and income, I wrote and illustrated a children's book, "Cilla's Dilemma", to warn children about what they might lose by succumbing to peer pressure. Ian taught ESL at the Adult School so I added a glossary and index for English language learners and children, like me, who love dictionaries. I failed to get it reviewed because reviewers and publishers require a series of 3 books, or fame to even read it. I had hard copies made, recorded an e-book, and published an in-color illustrated Kindle book to try to shop it to local book stores, but the expense of return policy requirements, publication inventory, storage and shipping logistics were prohibitive. My music CD's were put under the wrong designation on someone else's Amazon page and Amazon blew off my efforts to correct it (intentionally? -- who knows). I have experienced what has felt like surveillance and sabotage to my computers, my Internet connection, our website and even my files. I had a page that made lead-sheets, lyrics and sound files available for use to elect Progressive politicians and to fund Progressive campaigns and lawyers fighting voter suppression, but too many people said they couldn't find it. The e-mail that came with it was discontinued and two different things I paid extra for were not enough. I took the website down because we are financially underwater every month as it is, and I can't pay for something that isn't working. I absolutely suck at marketing; and I get exhausted just thinking about it. Paying for extras piecemeal for Go Daddy just make me lose confidence their product and scare tactics made me drop the company I have be similarly disappointed by many software products. I like the way you presented your subscription options - right up front. Thank you.

Kahala Ringgold's avatar

9th grade. Entered a new school in San Antonio. All new students were given an IQ test. I didn’t even know what it was. The next week the math teacher announced that the student with the highest IQ was right in the room. Wow! I looked around then heard my own name and the number. Still didn’t really understand but the cutest boy in school had turned to look at me and that was a thrill. As if a high IQ is a ticket to romance! 😂 Then the teacher walked to my desk, returned my failed math test and gave me a prissy, “You could do better.” Hell no, I couldn’t. What did she think I was trying to prove by failing?Seventy years later I discovered my beautiful Hunter brain and it has been such a wonderful year using that powerful machine to unravel some of its mysteries. First time all that mega-brainwork did me any good. 🤗🌴

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